“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” – Mark 9:24
What is next and how do I get there in one piece? With only 13 weeks left as a Global Mission Fellow, the fear of being misplaced or not used afterwards sent me into a downward spiral. How do you deal with unbelief? Lent this year was a time for me to deal with my fears and doubt, taking time to pray and ask for wisdom.
I love the people that I am working with and the community that I have built in Mobile, Alabama. Mobile feels like home. On Sundays at St. John UMC, I co-lead a children’s ministry. It blesses me to see that my gifts are blessing God’s earthly angels. Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays I work with homeless families and school age kids at Dumas Wesley Community Center and Sybil Smith Family Village. I have learned that the kids just want someone to talk to who will listen without judgment. Just because someone may not have material items doesn’t mean they are lacking spirituality. Thursday mornings I work with a rural community that is lacking survival items. We help in this crisis by providing food to families. I also serve as the Youth Coordinator of Communities of Transformation on Thursday’s nights. This ministry walks along with the families to help them reach their goals. God is at work in these communities. So, why am I struggling?
We need faith to please God. God tells us that faith pleases Him, that we believe in Him even though we cannot see Him. To deal with a problem you need to identify the root causes. My unbelief comes when I think about my disabilities. I cry myself to sleep over misspelled words or over someone thinking I ignored them because they were standing on the wrong side (I’m deaf on the right side). Then I have repetitive thoughts like, “you can’t, you are not good enough and there is no point of trying.” Sometimes those words hinder my progress.
The first 21 days of lent I didn’t eat any meats, and I added prayer 3 times a day. The script I meditated on was: Jeremiah 29:11: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Even though I don’t know what is next or how I am going to get there, I know that God is with me. I know that God will take care of me. I have been accepted to The Interdenominational Theological Center (Gammon Theological Seminary) in Atlanta, Georgia, and I’m now struggling to discern whether God is calling me to the online or residential program. I might cry and vent about my disabilities, but I will keep pushing on because God is with me. How are you dealing with your faith walk?
Open Doors, Mobile, AL
US-2, Class 2014